*This is a sequel, dear reader, to 11/12/2010's The Survey*
She was up to something. I just knew it.
My alter ego had sent me an e-mail just that morning... the kind with a magic link, and a rather cryptic message to go along with it. Something about salon-sitting...
I clicked. Of course. I held my breath and closed my eyes, giving in to the dizzy scrambling sensation of 'the web abductor,' as my alter-ego refers to this unconventional (to say the least) mode of transportation. When I opened my eyes I saw... luggage. "What's this?" I wondered aloud, "Have I been accidentally transported to the baggage claim area of the Portland Jetport?" I rubbed my eyes.
"No, silly." Garnet scolded, "I'm taking a trip."
Having regained balance and focus, I looked her up and down. She was wearing a straight, dark red skirt and matching, tailored blazer. On her head was perched a little pillbox hat, attached to which was a bit of veil which covered her forehead and eyebrows in a way that I had to admit was fetching, in a retro fashion.
"Back in time?" I responded with laugh. "What's with the last century look?"
"It's a traveling suit." Garnet sniffed, "And if you ever bothered to check the fashion pages once in a while, you'd know they're 'in!' "
"Be that as it may." I scoffed, and then, my query turning serious I asked, "Where are you going? Really?"
"I'm taking my Survey on the road." she explained. "I can only get so far with the internet/Salon connection. After a while the same gents keep clicking, hoping for a follow-up. So I've taken down the link, and I'm taking to the road." she declared.
"Sounds like fun." I said sceptically, "But why all the baggage? You know airlines charge extra these days..."
"Daywear, eveningwear, makeup, lingere..." she counted on her fingers, "I've got to look good you know. How will I get any seduction done if I don't look good? And then there are these..." Garnet gestured to a suitcase filled with what appeared to be identical navy blue cosmetic cases.
"What are those?" I puzzled.
Garnet smiled, "Why, 'Seduction Kits,' of course. I don't leave home without them, you know." she giggled.
"But what..." I pondered, "Whatever do you put in a Seduction Kit?" Unable to contain my curiosity, I picked one up and un-did the zipper. I reached inside and brought out the first item that came to my fingertips. A little bottle.
"Brandy?" I glanced at my alter-ego, "For you or him?" I smirked.
"Him, of course." she stated, "I keep my supply in my purse. Some of the kits contain an equivalent nip of whiskey, in case that's what my victim- uh, I mean interviewee- prefers. Some even contain little bottles of vodka. The fruit flavored kind. They're not half bad, you know."
"You're a lush, you know." I teased, "What else is in here?" Garnet continued to pack while I rummaged through the little bag...
"Flowers?" I shot her a puzzled look as I pulled out a dried, scented bundle of sprigs, tied with a blue ribbon, "What sex are you seducing, after all?" I laughed.
"It's lavender." she stated, "You read that article, too, didn't you? The one about the scientific study that measured which scents caused an increase in blood flow to the genitals of the males that did the sniffing. Testing the theory of perfume, they were. Lavender and Pumpkin Pie were the most efficacious scents in that sense..." she smiled at her unintentionally humorous homonyms, "...and since I can't fit a pumpkin pie into the kit..." she giggled.
"Hm..." I said, glancing into the bag, "No, um, prophylactics? I know the baby factory is closed..." I looked at her seriously, "But there are a lot of diseases out there, you know." I stated sternly.
"This is a SEDUCTION kit!" she shot back at me, "Including a condom doesn't say, 'I wanna seduce you, you sexy thing,' it says, 'I wanna hop into the sack with you even though you're most probably as filthy as the nearest toilet seat in this dive.'" she sniffed, "The condoms" she stated, "are in my purse."
Back to the kit. "Chocolate... " I pulled out the foil-covered morsal, and then...
"WHAT'S THIS?" I screamed in shock, pulling a little home-made-cigarette-like thingy from the bag.
"It's a joint, of course. Chill out. They're almost legal almost everywhere these days. One of my Salon victims, uh, I mean guests, clued me in on them a while ago. Said it really ramps up his desire. So I put it to the test, and turns out to be quite efficacious. Don't look at me like that! I don't use it! It's strictly to put the interviewees in the mood."
"But..." I said, "Where do you get it? Isn't it risky to buy the stuff?"
"No." she smiled, "I grow it. In my herbarium. Same place I get the lavender. That's why I summoned you here. I need you to water my plants while I'm away."
"Herbarium?" I gasped, "I didn't know you had an herbarium... Where is...?"
"Fifth door on the left." she pointed through the arched doorway that led to the hall of doors, "And don't forget to leave the light on. And check the temperature every day. Clipboard with the log hanging on the wall." she concluded, as she hoisted the last of her suitcases up to the web abductor.
"Ah." she smiled, smoothing out her skirt and straightening her hat, "Adventure awaits!"
"Bon voyage!" I sang as my alter ego disappeared, "Hey! You forgot this!" I waved the Seduction Kit which I still held in my hand, but it was too late.
Whatever am I going to do with a Seduction Kit? Hmmmm.....
.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Evil Seductress (prose version)
Oh, yeah- me an Evil Seductress. I can just see it: Carla, modest, soft-spoken professional by day, Evil Seductress by night. *laughs*
I’m not. But, y’know I could be... And most people know it, too. She’s a clever escape artist, my alter-ego is. I try to keep her under lock and key, but she’s... well, she’s not only evil, she’s magic. Restraints are of little use.
And yes, yes, she’s a bona fide Evil Seductress. We shall call her Garnet. Garnet and Carla inhabit the same body. The sensible and well-behaved Carla is at the wheel most of the time, but Garnet is an effective back-seat driver.
I’m alone in the house right now.... so I think it’s safe... *sound of key turning, rusty hinges creaking*
“I’ve had a request...” says Carla.
“And you’re actually giving in to it?” Garnet perks up at the prospect of Carla considering some sort of temptation.
“Well, it’s basically harmless.” Carla replies.
Garnet smiles with anticipation. ‘It’s basically harmless’ means the door is wide open.
“I just want you to write something on the subject of Seduction, that’s all.” says Carla, trying to dampen Garnet’s obvious enthusiasm, “Who better than an Evil Seductress to expound on that theme?”
“Ok.” says Garnet. “Let me at it. Go take a nap, or polish your sensible shoes or something. Shoo!”
“Ah, seduction!” Garnet hisses gleefully, rubs her hands together, and sits down at the computer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Garnet types excitedly, producing the following missive:*
"She never lets me have any fun. For instance, we agree to splurge on a new dress from Victoria’s Secret (my favorite catalog), and we look fantastic in it, but Carla doesn’t want to wear it because she thinks it makes her look too good! Imagine that! Other women our age would kill to look like that, and she wants to hide it! *snorts derisively*
And don’t even get me started on make-up. Always going for that ‘natural’ look. Heaven forbid that we would go for the ‘sexy’ look! *rolls eyes*
But... oh... yeah, Seduction. Hmm.. where should I start? All of this is fantasy, of course, because Carla would never really let me seduce anyone. And since it’s a fantasy, I suppose I can use my magic....
I’ll start by selecting a victim. Hmm... lots of potential victims. Young ones, like those teenage boys who stare at us when they come with their mother to the pharmacy. What is it with them? They must not think I notice. Or maybe they’re hoping I do. Yeah, I could go for one of those...
Then there are the men who give me that smitten look. They’re older than the teenagers, but usually younger than me. It’s not a crass look, such as the leer a man might give to a woman with large breasts, but more of a worshipful look. A “Wow!” look. Like that guy in my poem “Crowded Sidewalk.” Or the guitar player at the Open Mic a few days ago. They’d be easy prey. They’re already half-way there...
Internet victims would be easy. Almost too easy. Carla doesn’t know it, but I sneak seduction into her writing. She tries to tone it down, but it doesn’t work. Makes it all the more alluring, actually. *smiles*
Ok, a victim. It doesn’t matter. Any one of the above. Or better yet, we’ll do them all. One at a time, of course... but for now let’s pretend it’s you.
It’s evening. A quiet, sophisticated lounge somewhere. I, the Evil Seductress await you. Sexy. Stunning. Of course. I said I’d meet you, and here I am, sipping tonic water. Ah, there you are, baby. Come give me a hug. You’ve never been hugged by an Evil Seductress before, have you? Don’t be nervous.
Let me order you a drink. I like my prey to be relaxed. You’ll find it’s easier that way.
Talk to me. Talking is easy, once you get going. I’m a good listener. I make you smile, I make you laugh. I make you feel comfortable. Alcohol gives you a push, and you’re falling...
C’mon, look at me. No resistance. Good. In my eyes you see everything that I am. I am beautiful and nurturing. I am humorous and light-hearted. I am tantalizing.... yeah, baby, reach for my hand, just like that.
But don’t stop talking... I want to know all about you. It feels good. Just to talk. Just to look into my eyes. Succumb to desire... that’s what I want... but I don’t betray my intentions yet.
It’s time to go. Getting late. Walking out. Yeah, baby, put your arm around me, just like that. Take me home. Come inside. I pretend you’re going to leave. I know you’re not.
A kiss ‘good night.’ Mmm... hug me tight, touch me. That's it... bare skin...
Kisses, warm and hard.
“Wanna stay?” I whisper. Of course you do. You can’t resist the Evil Seductress."
______________________________________________________________________
“Ok, Garnet, that’s enough.”
“But I was just getting to the good part!”
“Enough is enough. Back inside” *clank of door slamming, key turning.*
“You never let me have any fun!”
.
I’m not. But, y’know I could be... And most people know it, too. She’s a clever escape artist, my alter-ego is. I try to keep her under lock and key, but she’s... well, she’s not only evil, she’s magic. Restraints are of little use.
And yes, yes, she’s a bona fide Evil Seductress. We shall call her Garnet. Garnet and Carla inhabit the same body. The sensible and well-behaved Carla is at the wheel most of the time, but Garnet is an effective back-seat driver.
I’m alone in the house right now.... so I think it’s safe... *sound of key turning, rusty hinges creaking*
“I’ve had a request...” says Carla.
“And you’re actually giving in to it?” Garnet perks up at the prospect of Carla considering some sort of temptation.
“Well, it’s basically harmless.” Carla replies.
Garnet smiles with anticipation. ‘It’s basically harmless’ means the door is wide open.
“I just want you to write something on the subject of Seduction, that’s all.” says Carla, trying to dampen Garnet’s obvious enthusiasm, “Who better than an Evil Seductress to expound on that theme?”
“Ok.” says Garnet. “Let me at it. Go take a nap, or polish your sensible shoes or something. Shoo!”
“Ah, seduction!” Garnet hisses gleefully, rubs her hands together, and sits down at the computer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Garnet types excitedly, producing the following missive:*
"She never lets me have any fun. For instance, we agree to splurge on a new dress from Victoria’s Secret (my favorite catalog), and we look fantastic in it, but Carla doesn’t want to wear it because she thinks it makes her look too good! Imagine that! Other women our age would kill to look like that, and she wants to hide it! *snorts derisively*
And don’t even get me started on make-up. Always going for that ‘natural’ look. Heaven forbid that we would go for the ‘sexy’ look! *rolls eyes*
But... oh... yeah, Seduction. Hmm.. where should I start? All of this is fantasy, of course, because Carla would never really let me seduce anyone. And since it’s a fantasy, I suppose I can use my magic....
I’ll start by selecting a victim. Hmm... lots of potential victims. Young ones, like those teenage boys who stare at us when they come with their mother to the pharmacy. What is it with them? They must not think I notice. Or maybe they’re hoping I do. Yeah, I could go for one of those...
Then there are the men who give me that smitten look. They’re older than the teenagers, but usually younger than me. It’s not a crass look, such as the leer a man might give to a woman with large breasts, but more of a worshipful look. A “Wow!” look. Like that guy in my poem “Crowded Sidewalk.” Or the guitar player at the Open Mic a few days ago. They’d be easy prey. They’re already half-way there...
Internet victims would be easy. Almost too easy. Carla doesn’t know it, but I sneak seduction into her writing. She tries to tone it down, but it doesn’t work. Makes it all the more alluring, actually. *smiles*
Ok, a victim. It doesn’t matter. Any one of the above. Or better yet, we’ll do them all. One at a time, of course... but for now let’s pretend it’s you.
It’s evening. A quiet, sophisticated lounge somewhere. I, the Evil Seductress await you. Sexy. Stunning. Of course. I said I’d meet you, and here I am, sipping tonic water. Ah, there you are, baby. Come give me a hug. You’ve never been hugged by an Evil Seductress before, have you? Don’t be nervous.
Let me order you a drink. I like my prey to be relaxed. You’ll find it’s easier that way.
Talk to me. Talking is easy, once you get going. I’m a good listener. I make you smile, I make you laugh. I make you feel comfortable. Alcohol gives you a push, and you’re falling...
C’mon, look at me. No resistance. Good. In my eyes you see everything that I am. I am beautiful and nurturing. I am humorous and light-hearted. I am tantalizing.... yeah, baby, reach for my hand, just like that.
But don’t stop talking... I want to know all about you. It feels good. Just to talk. Just to look into my eyes. Succumb to desire... that’s what I want... but I don’t betray my intentions yet.
It’s time to go. Getting late. Walking out. Yeah, baby, put your arm around me, just like that. Take me home. Come inside. I pretend you’re going to leave. I know you’re not.
A kiss ‘good night.’ Mmm... hug me tight, touch me. That's it... bare skin...
Kisses, warm and hard.
“Wanna stay?” I whisper. Of course you do. You can’t resist the Evil Seductress."
______________________________________________________________________
“Ok, Garnet, that’s enough.”
“But I was just getting to the good part!”
“Enough is enough. Back inside” *clank of door slamming, key turning.*
“You never let me have any fun!”
.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
I'm Frozen. I Need...
Hot Cocoa
With a splash
Of Brandy.
Sex
With a splash
Of giggles,
And nibbles,
And tickles,
And tongues,
There. What fun.
Defrosted.
.
With a splash
Of Brandy.
Sex
With a splash
Of giggles,
And nibbles,
And tickles,
And tongues,
There. What fun.
Defrosted.
.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Winter Love
I grabbed my love,
Brushed off the snow,
I said, “My dear, the fire’s aglow...
So toasty warm
That I don’t suppose
You’d mind if I took off
Some of your clothes...
‘Cause it makes me hot
When the temperature drops
When the brandy flows
And the fireplace glows.
Tender touches and kisses
Fulfilling my wishes
Warm winter love
Melting the snow.
We’ll start with your coat
And then begin
Through the layers
...There, finally! Your kissable skin!
Then further on down
‘Cause after you’re kiss’d
I’ll unwrap the present
That’s first on my list...
‘Cause it makes me hot
When the temperature drops
When the brandy flows
And the fireplace glows.
Tender touches and kisses
Fulfilling my wishes
Warm winter love
Melting the snow.
Spring fever’s fine
And you already know
That summer love
Leaves me all aglow,
But I’d trade each one
For my Winter Desire
Cold winds
Deep snow
And love by the fire.
.
Brushed off the snow,
I said, “My dear, the fire’s aglow...
So toasty warm
That I don’t suppose
You’d mind if I took off
Some of your clothes...
‘Cause it makes me hot
When the temperature drops
When the brandy flows
And the fireplace glows.
Tender touches and kisses
Fulfilling my wishes
Warm winter love
Melting the snow.
We’ll start with your coat
And then begin
Through the layers
...There, finally! Your kissable skin!
Then further on down
‘Cause after you’re kiss’d
I’ll unwrap the present
That’s first on my list...
‘Cause it makes me hot
When the temperature drops
When the brandy flows
And the fireplace glows.
Tender touches and kisses
Fulfilling my wishes
Warm winter love
Melting the snow.
Spring fever’s fine
And you already know
That summer love
Leaves me all aglow,
But I’d trade each one
For my Winter Desire
Cold winds
Deep snow
And love by the fire.
.
Friday, November 12, 2010
The Survey
"He can touch the bot-TOM... 'cause his wind holds OUT so LONG!"
She was playing guitar and singing.
Or at least trying to.
He blinked, as his eyes adjusted to the dim light of Garnet's Virtual Salon.
The music stopped.
"Hey there, Honey!" Garnet exclaimed as she rose to greet him, "Thanks for agreeing to be part of my survey. You OK?" she asked, looking concerned as he wobbled slightly, still a little woozy from the unconventional transport experience, "I was making so much noise that I didn't even hear the web abductor chime!" she laughed. "This way, Sweetie. Come, sit down." She took his arm and led him, like a child, across the room to a dark red, velvet sofa which he thankfully sunk down in to. As he closed his eyes for a brief moment to clear his head, he heard the clink of glass and splash of liquid.
"Have a sip There now...." he heard as she tilted the small glass towards his lips, "Feel better? You must be up for the survey, you know." she giggled.
Brandy. Of course. How did he know. Garnet's favorite drink is brandy...
"But..." he swallowed, puzzled, not being able to remember anything about a survey, "I didn't..."
"Yes you did." Garnet contradicted, "You clicked on the link. Remember? And then it brought you here like magic." she paused and thought for a second, "Though it's not like magic, because it is magic. Magic transportation to Garnet's Virtual Salon." she concluded smugly.
That's right, he thought. He had been visiting Garnet's Virtual Salon... though not like this- it was... a blog site that sometimes had cute stuff worth looking at... he had finished reading the latest... something about cold stars and warm kisses.... and then he clicked to exit... or at least that's what he thought he did...
But suddenly... it was like a roller-coaster ride. And when it ended, there was Garnet... and her guitar. And a soft sofa. And brandy. And... a survey?
"Well..." Garnet mused, "It's not so much a survey as it is... mm... performance art, I guess you could call it. But it's all to prove a point. I know a lady..." she continued, "who says, 'You've seen one, you've seen them all.' And I'm out to prove her wrong. I figure they must at least be as different as finger prints are... And so, you see, I'm out to gather evidence. You know. Take pictures... measurements... quantify response to stimulation..." Garnet paused, smiling with anticipation.
"And then," she concluded, "...I'll write a little verse about each one. A four line verse. I figure if each one is different enough to stimulate it's own verse, then that should blow the 'seen one, seen all' theory out of the water!" she giggled.
"One more sip..." she whispered as she tilted the glass to his lips again, "Come now... this way..." She rose and led him through an arch that served as the entrance to a corridor which was lined with doors. After a half dozen steps, she stopped in front of one, on which was fastened a metal plate engraved with the words "Survey Room." She opened the door and motioned him in...
A bedroom. The Survey Room was a bedroom.
Garnet entered the room behind him, and closed the door, backing against it until it latched. She wriggled a little, and the silky sapphire robe that she wore cascaded down to the floor like a waterfall. "Oh!" she exclaimed, "Goosebumps! It's a little chilly in here. I'll fix that." She skipped naked across the room to what he assumed was the thermostat, twiddled with it for a second or two, and then returned to him.
"Your turn!" she chirrped as she un-buttoned his shirt and slipped it off his shoulders.
"And now..." Garnet ran and jumped enthusiastically onto the bed. Lying on her stomach and leaning on her elbows, she faced him. "C'mere." she commanded, "Time to unwrap my present." she giggled.
"Mm..." She smiled with delight, "It's happy to see me! Now down to business."
"First the Kiss Test..." *kisses up and down*
"Now the Lick Test..." *licks up and down* "Mm! Delicious!" she exclaimed.
"Now a picture or two...lie down while I fluff you up, Sweetie..." *lick, lick...suck, suck* "There now. Straight and tall." she concluded with a satisfied tone as she reached for the camera which was sitting ready on the night stand, "...don't need the 'macro' function for this one!" she laughed, snapping away at different angles.
"Are you ready..." she whispered as she put down the camera and kissed his lips, "...to be..." the traveling lips now down to his chest, "...devoured?"
Ready or not, devour him she did. Voraciously.
"There now." he heard her say through a miasma of pleasure that the act of being devoured had cast upon him, "Aren't you glad you agreed to take part in my survey? One thing only remains. A little poem..." she kissed his forehead, "You nap while I write."
Out like a light.
And when he awoke he was... in his own bed. "Was I dreaming?" he puzzled aloud. Then, twisting to sit up in bed he saw a pink piece of paper flutter to the floor. He reached for it, and read... "One of a kind, Best in show, Delicious to suck, Delightful to blow. Love, Garnet."
.
She was playing guitar and singing.
Or at least trying to.
He blinked, as his eyes adjusted to the dim light of Garnet's Virtual Salon.
The music stopped.
"Hey there, Honey!" Garnet exclaimed as she rose to greet him, "Thanks for agreeing to be part of my survey. You OK?" she asked, looking concerned as he wobbled slightly, still a little woozy from the unconventional transport experience, "I was making so much noise that I didn't even hear the web abductor chime!" she laughed. "This way, Sweetie. Come, sit down." She took his arm and led him, like a child, across the room to a dark red, velvet sofa which he thankfully sunk down in to. As he closed his eyes for a brief moment to clear his head, he heard the clink of glass and splash of liquid.
"Have a sip There now...." he heard as she tilted the small glass towards his lips, "Feel better? You must be up for the survey, you know." she giggled.
Brandy. Of course. How did he know. Garnet's favorite drink is brandy...
"But..." he swallowed, puzzled, not being able to remember anything about a survey, "I didn't..."
"Yes you did." Garnet contradicted, "You clicked on the link. Remember? And then it brought you here like magic." she paused and thought for a second, "Though it's not like magic, because it is magic. Magic transportation to Garnet's Virtual Salon." she concluded smugly.
That's right, he thought. He had been visiting Garnet's Virtual Salon... though not like this- it was... a blog site that sometimes had cute stuff worth looking at... he had finished reading the latest... something about cold stars and warm kisses.... and then he clicked to exit... or at least that's what he thought he did...
But suddenly... it was like a roller-coaster ride. And when it ended, there was Garnet... and her guitar. And a soft sofa. And brandy. And... a survey?
"Well..." Garnet mused, "It's not so much a survey as it is... mm... performance art, I guess you could call it. But it's all to prove a point. I know a lady..." she continued, "who says, 'You've seen one, you've seen them all.' And I'm out to prove her wrong. I figure they must at least be as different as finger prints are... And so, you see, I'm out to gather evidence. You know. Take pictures... measurements... quantify response to stimulation..." Garnet paused, smiling with anticipation.
"And then," she concluded, "...I'll write a little verse about each one. A four line verse. I figure if each one is different enough to stimulate it's own verse, then that should blow the 'seen one, seen all' theory out of the water!" she giggled.
"One more sip..." she whispered as she tilted the glass to his lips again, "Come now... this way..." She rose and led him through an arch that served as the entrance to a corridor which was lined with doors. After a half dozen steps, she stopped in front of one, on which was fastened a metal plate engraved with the words "Survey Room." She opened the door and motioned him in...
A bedroom. The Survey Room was a bedroom.
Garnet entered the room behind him, and closed the door, backing against it until it latched. She wriggled a little, and the silky sapphire robe that she wore cascaded down to the floor like a waterfall. "Oh!" she exclaimed, "Goosebumps! It's a little chilly in here. I'll fix that." She skipped naked across the room to what he assumed was the thermostat, twiddled with it for a second or two, and then returned to him.
"Your turn!" she chirrped as she un-buttoned his shirt and slipped it off his shoulders.
"And now..." Garnet ran and jumped enthusiastically onto the bed. Lying on her stomach and leaning on her elbows, she faced him. "C'mere." she commanded, "Time to unwrap my present." she giggled.
"Mm..." She smiled with delight, "It's happy to see me! Now down to business."
"First the Kiss Test..." *kisses up and down*
"Now the Lick Test..." *licks up and down* "Mm! Delicious!" she exclaimed.
"Now a picture or two...lie down while I fluff you up, Sweetie..." *lick, lick...suck, suck* "There now. Straight and tall." she concluded with a satisfied tone as she reached for the camera which was sitting ready on the night stand, "...don't need the 'macro' function for this one!" she laughed, snapping away at different angles.
"Are you ready..." she whispered as she put down the camera and kissed his lips, "...to be..." the traveling lips now down to his chest, "...devoured?"
Ready or not, devour him she did. Voraciously.
"There now." he heard her say through a miasma of pleasure that the act of being devoured had cast upon him, "Aren't you glad you agreed to take part in my survey? One thing only remains. A little poem..." she kissed his forehead, "You nap while I write."
Out like a light.
And when he awoke he was... in his own bed. "Was I dreaming?" he puzzled aloud. Then, twisting to sit up in bed he saw a pink piece of paper flutter to the floor. He reached for it, and read... "One of a kind, Best in show, Delicious to suck, Delightful to blow. Love, Garnet."
.
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