Valentine

Incandescent
Shut your eyes
Candle light
Will catalyze...

Table set,
Dress allure,
Silk and lace
Will tempt, I’m sure.

Rekindle...
Leave the day behind,
Bet you can’t guess
What’s on my mind-

I smile and promise
That it won’t hurt
A lovely dinner...
With you for dessert! 
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The Fling

In case of emergency,
Break routine.

Now you’ve done it.
You’ve turned on the Siren.

One finger beckons
Red nail glistens.

“Come here, my dear,
And face the consequences.”
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Wager

I buy a $1 lottery scratch ticket once in a while.

(it’s sort of like a quickie, gambling-wise).

Today I won $15.

(that’s sort of like a double orgasm, in $1 scratch card terms).

If you don’t sin big
You don’t win big

But you don’t lose everything
Either.
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Summer Love

I grabbed my love one summer day
When I was feeling.... how should I say?
Well... frisky, but in an adventurous way,
I said, “Nocturnal is nice, but routine,
“Why not try daylight, surrounded by green?
“Look, it’s sunny and warm, imagine our luck,
“Let’s find a place outside where we’ll...

Fulfill our sweet dreams
In a bower of green,
To the soft melodies
Of the birds and the bees,
Our naked desire is all we require;
Sweet pleasure found under the trees.

Here in the woods most people like
To take a picnic or a hike,
But we don’t need boots or a basket of food,
Just fresh air and sunshine to set the mood;
A bed of ferns, a soft caress
Some tender touches to undress
Our love-life in a rut was stuck
But now we just can’t wait to...

Fulfill our sweet dreams
In a bower of green,
To the soft melodies
Of the birds and the bees,
Our naked desire is all we require;
Sweet pleasure found under the trees.

And though al fresco makes me smile,
The conditions are perfect just once in a while;
In the winter it snows,
In the spring- mosquitoes!
And in mud season, puddles and muck;
But it’s worth the wait
‘Cause I’d really hate
To miss such a chance to...

Fulfill our sweet dreams
In a bower of green,
To the soft melodies
Of the birds and the bees,
Our naked desire is all we require;
Sweet pleasure found under the trees.
.

Pre-Lover

One day a friend of mine and I were discussing sex scandals over a cup of coffee recently.  You know- Woods, Edwards, Sanford, etc, etc.  We speculated that the next rage would be ‘pre-lover’ agreements- pre-conceived legal contracts that might help lead these transgressors out of the trackless land of infidelity and scandal with dignity.  We laughed, and I said if nothing else the idea might give me a notion for a poem or story.  Here it is, folks.  A story set to poem, from the point of view of the male half of the equation...

You’ve only just let down your hair,
Stripped down to sexy underwear,
In Motel Cheap that’s not too far
From where we met at Downtown Bar
In turn not far from where I slipped
Away from my tedious Business Trip...

You’re lookin’ fine- you can bet I’ll be fast,
But, honey, I’ve learned from experience past
That though a fling can be a blast
We must first our expectations cast...

That’s right- on paper, draw it up
Somewhat akin to a wedding pre-nup.
I’ve got the forms here in a stack-
Right next to my Trojans pack.

It says, “I, _______” What was your name, dear?
“Promise to faithfully heed and adhere
To the rules and restrictions outlined within...”
This is serious,  dear!  Wipe off that grin!

See, first you swear you’ve got no STDs,
Just initial next to that paragraph, please.

Page Two is all about how you’ll deny
You know me if ever my wife were to try
To find out what really goes on when I say
I’m lonely and chaste while I’m away.

And of course you’ll agree not to talk to the press,
As that would result in a terrible mess.

And then, my dear, as you see- there’s more...
Perfunctory stuff, but on Page Four
You’ll note- now don’t think this is sleazy,
But I’ve listed techniques (with illustrations) that please me.

And then- last page- to end it all
It says you’ll be ready when I call
To glam it up with heels and gown
The next time I return to town...

Hey, honey, now, don’t shake your fist!
They tell me I’m impossible to resist.
You won’t let a little bit of paper be comin’
‘Tween you and me and some hot, heavy  lovin’...

Will you?

SLAM!
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Maine Madam

I recently talked to a friend of mine from Kennebunk, Maine who (as a former selectman) has his finger on the pulse of the town, including the rumor mill. Rumor has it, he explained to me, that a local Zumba fitness studio was recently shut down by law enforcement because the establishment was a cover for prostitution. Rumor further has it that no official news has been released about the bust because it might hurt the reputation of certain well connected local men... All of which seemed to me the stuff of which wicked limericks are made...

That Kennebunk Zumba Madam-
If you wanted the moves, she had ‘em.
Now the gents that she laid
Will feel betrayed
When the cops throw her black book at ‘em!
.

Mer

Mer I

“Anchors away!” exclaims Garnet happily, radiating delight at the sunshine, salt spray, and lively, cheerful company. “...or is it anchors aweigh?” she puzzles, “No matter... off we go!”

Garnet quickly picks a prime spot on deck of the elegant yacht-sized sailboat, and, pulling a jumbo sized beach towel out of her bag, while at the same time stowing her terry-cloth cover-up into the bag, lays down with a contented smile to sun her bikini-clad self.

“Oh!” she exclaims, as she almost reaches the moment of recumbent relaxation, “One more thing...” She digs into her bag an pulls out her cell phone, quickly dials, and in no time is engaged in cheerful chatting.

“Captain R.! Oh, Captain!...” Garnet calls, holding the cell phone in one hand, and beckoning to him with the other, “My mermaid BFF, Coral Rose, has invited us to a party tonight! Here...” she thrusts the phone into the hand of the puzzled captain, “She’s going to give you the coordinates...”

At a loss of what else to do, Captain R. obediently takes the phone & holds it to his ear. A look of confusion spreads over his face as he glances helplessly at Garnet and says, “Um... all I hear are... bubbling, gurgling noises.”

“Oh silly me.” exclaims Garnet, “I forgot. You don’t speak Mer!” quickly grabbing the phone back, she addresses her Mer BFF, saying, “Coral, honey, you better text it, OK?” before handing it back to the hapless captian.

Confusion turns to surprise as Captain R. sees coordinates scroll across the tiny screen...


Mer II

The stars shown bright, & phosphorescence twinkled in the ocean waves as if in imitation of those heavenly bodies. Between these two magic mediums of water and space floated a handsome craft named The Happy Deviant...

Early in the evening the noble ship had arrived at its programmed coordinates, slowing to a stop as silvery green tails flashed and upstretched arms signaled “Welcome!”

The events that followed raced by in a delightful blur of exotic merriment and amazing entertainment...

...platters of undersea delicacies delivered by laughing mermaids and hoisted to the deck by an enthusiastic Garnet... a never ending supply of drink bubbles, which, when pierced by a special straw, delivered serious refreshment and light intoxication...

Dolphin races... a juggling octopus... and synchronized swimming by Team Mermaid which would put any Olympic counterpart to shame...

In the wake of this amazing spectacle, the crew of the Happy Deviant reveled in the magic of their new-found paradise, while Garnet, leaning close over the water, chatted and giggled with her Merfriends.

“C’mon, Garnet!” Captain R. overheard, as bits & pieces of the twittering conversation floated his way, “You’ve GOT to meet him! There’s a get-together tonight at Marina’s place...”

“OK.” said Garnet decisively, “But I must return by sunrise...”

SNAP went the clasp of Garnet’s top as it dropped to the deck of the Happy Deviant... Suddenly her top was bare, and her bottom was... scaly? ...and blue-green shimmery.... changing shape, and with the last of her toes Garnet sprang into the water with a beautiful arc, and dove into the waves with a flick of her new-formed tail.

Giggles and giggle-bubbles exploded as Garnet waved good-bye to the Happy Deviant and her crew... “Don’t go anywhere!” she shouted with a wave, “I’ll be back by sunrise!”

In an instant the beautiful swimmers were gone, and all was quiet under the shimmering stars...

Mer III

And a beautiful sunrise it is. Blue melts into pink melts into red as sky melts into water...

Splash! Garnet (tail turned back to legs, scales into skin) drips herself on to the deck of The Happy Deviant. Quickly grabbing her beach towel, she envelops herself and proceeds to coax the water out of her ears by tapping the side of her head with the heal of her palm.

“Mornin’ Captain!” she chirps, upon seeing Captain R. emerge onto the deck, rubbing his sleepy eyes, “Wasn’t it the most wonderful...”

Garnet’s enthusiasm is interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone, which she quickly retrieves from her bag. A cloud comes over her face as she listens intently.

“But I didn’t even have any knees last night!” she says defensively. Holding the device away from her mouth and glancing at Captain R., she explains, “It’s Carla, my alter ego. She says that it being Holy Week, I should be on my knees praying rather than cavorting with underwater heathens!”

“And they’re NOT heathens!” she scolds into the mouthpiece of her cell, “But, OK...” she continues with a sigh, “I’ll be back in time for Holy Thursday Mass.” Rolling her eyes, she snaps the phone closed.

“Guess I’ve got to get off at the next port...” she sighs to Captain R., “But...” she continues with a mischievous smile, “Don’t hurry, OK?”
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